Introducing The Only FDA-Approved Penis Implant

A Beverly Hills urologist has invented an FDA-approved penis implant. [Insert witty joke here.]

It sounds like a shady pop-up ad, but the penis enlarger is legit. Dr. James Elist’s Penuma, which comes in sizes L, XL and XXL, is a silicone sleeve that’s inserted under the skin of a man’s penis to make it longer and thicker. 

Men have desired larger penises probably since Adam compared his to the evil serpent who convinced Eve to take a bite of forbidden fruit (a metaphor you’ve never thought of until now, right?). And now they can have it, as long as they’re willing to shell out $13,000 and forgo sex for six weeks. 

As GQ reports in a lengthy investigation of the surgery and its inventor, Elist is the only doctor permitted by the FDA to perform the Penuma procedure. The doctor has inserted approximately 1,300 penile implants, the magazine reports, and a clinical study commissioned by Elist demonstrates a success rate of over 95 percent among men who agreed to participate in the study.  

Previous penis enlargement options have included injecting collagen or cadaver cells, while some practitioners cut a ligament in the groin so the penis hangs lower, making it seem longer. Both of these practices have caused problems such as a lumpy appearance or complications with erections, GQ reports.

WARNING: Graphic image below.

Here’s a visual that shows how the surgery works:

While having a monopoly on the only safe silicone penis enlargement sounds pretty darn lucrative on its own, Elist is currently pushing for the FDA to approve his product for sale so that other professionals can perform the procedure.  

Things to know about Penuma and the procedure:

Things to know about penises in general:

Learn more about Penuma over at GQ

Related on HuffPost:

Stars Who Overshare About Their Sex Lives

Stars Who Overshare About Their Sex Lives

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Nick Cannon
Cannon once admitted that he made love to estranged wife Mariah Carey while listening to her music, adding that he’d masturbate to her tunes “when she’s not there.” “Sometimes there’s special nights when you turn the music on and sometimes it’s morning, you roll over and get it poppin’!”

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Nick Cannon
Cannon once admitted that he made love to estranged wife Mariah Carey while listening to her music, adding that he’d masturbate to her tunes “when she’s not there.” “Sometimes there’s special nights when you turn the music on and sometimes it’s morning, you roll over and get it poppin’!”
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Heidi Klum
“Some people are more experimental in bed and others are more boring. If you are wild and crazy, bring it on so the other person is well aware that you have little devil horns that come out every once in a while,” she confessed to Marie Claire, adding, “Its good to make an effort to dress up sometimes, to do things outside of the norm.”
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Kyra Sedgwick
The actress told Good Housekeeping she and Kevin Bacon have spiced up their love life now that children Travis, 23, and Sosie, 20, have headed off to college: “There’s a lot more walking around the house naked,” Sedgwick confesses.
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Gwyneth Paltrow
Speaking about Tracy Anderson’s fitness method, Paltrow told Redbook magazine: “It did such wonders for my life, my confidence, my sex life, everything.”
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Olivia Wilde
Wilde gave the crowd a mouthful when she shared personal details about her love life at the These Girls event at Joes Pub in October. She confessed that she and Jason Sudeikis have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.
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Cameron Diaz
“The fountain of youth [for me], let’s see…I guess it’s exercise, healthy diet, lots of water, lots of laughter, lots of sex,” Diaz told Vogue in 2010, adding, “yes, sex, we need that as human beings. It’s healthy, it’s natural, it’s what we are here to do!”
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Jada Pinkett-Smith
Jada and Will have been married for 11 years and have two young children, but they know how to keep the spark alive. Jada told Redbook in 2011: “Be sneaky… your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom. Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road… Just switch it up.”
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John Mayer
Remember when Mayer couldn’t keep his mouth shut about his sex life with ex-girlfriend, Jessica Simpson? “Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say,” he told Playboy in 2010, “It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f**king snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f**k you, I would start selling all my s**t just to keep f**king you?'”
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Lamar Odom
You can tell Im into the bald, Odom told George Lopez in 2010 while sitting with wife Khloe Kardashian. You got to keep it clean down there. Its disgusting if you let it go crazy.
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Michael Douglas
“God bless her, [Catherine Zeta-Jones] likes older guys,” Douglas told AARP. “And some wonderful enhancements have happened in the last few years — Viagra, Cialis — that can make us all feel younger.”
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Robert Downey Jr.
TMI! “I was a compulsive, serial masturbator,” the actor confessed, adding, “I utilized that organ and rode it for everything it was worth.”
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Angelina Jolie
I am very lucky with Brad, she told the Telegraph. He is a real gentleman, but he is also a real mans man. Hes got the wonderful balance of being an extraordinary, great, loving father, a very, very intelligent man and physically hes a real man, in all things that it means. She also discussed having sex during pregnancy, telling EW, “Its great for the sex life. It just makes you a lot more creative, so you have fun.
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Ashlee Simpson
After reuniting with then husband Pete Wentz at the 2009 Australia MTV Awards, Simpson got a little ahead of herself, announcing: “Sorry we havent seen each other in a while, so were going to find a quiet place to go fornicate.” (Via the Courier Mail)
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Jessica Simpson
“Im kind of unstoppable right now,” Simpson told Ryan Seacrest about her sex life during pregnancy. “The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever.
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Ricki Lake
“When I get home [from rehearsals], I train horizontally,” Lake told People while she was competing on “Dancing with the Stars.”“[Partner Christian] has noticed a difference in my stamina over the last couple of weeks.”
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Sting
Sting loves to romance his wife Trudie Syler. “There’s a playfulness we have; I like the theater of sex,” he told Harper’s Bazaar. “I like to look good. I like her to dress up. I like to dress her up.”
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Zoe Saldana
“I like missionary and I like being on my knees too,” Saldana told Marie Claire. “And I love being on top … I love doggy-style or standing up.”
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Jane Fonda
“At 74, I have never had such a fulfilling sex life,” Fonda told Hello! magazine. “The only thing I have never known is true intimacy with a man. I absolutely wanted to discover that before dying. It has happened with Richard, I feel totally secure with him. Often, when we make love, I see him as he was 30 years ago.”
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Kelsey Grammer
We didnt do anything much more than kiss for several months, Kelsey told Conan OBrien about seeing Kayte Walsh while he was still married to Camille Grammer. I just wanted to clear that up. She was worth the wait. I would think that would be difficult, Conan said, laughing. Kelsey replied, Well, for a guy that hadnt had sex for a decade it wasnt that hard!
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George Clooney
Although Clooney lost his virginity at the age of 16 (“young, very young, too young”), he told Rolling Stone he had his first orgasm when he was much younger. “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old,” he explained. “I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, “Oh, my God, this feels great!”
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