Joe Biden swoops in to console Meghan McCain over her father’s cancer diagnosis

An emotional moment between former Vice President Joe Biden and Meghan McCain occurred on The View on Wednesday.

Meghan’s father Senator John McCain was diagnosed with glioblastoma six months ago, an aggressive brain cancer that sadly carries a low survival rate. Despite undergoing an operation, McCain has continued to serve on the United States Senate, famously thwarting his own party’s attempt at repealing Obamacare this summer.

Biden’s son Beau passed away in 2015 from the same cancer. So, when he made an appearance on the talk show, Meghan started off by telling Biden that she was unable to finish his book, Promise Me, Dad, and that she thought about Beau every day. As Meghan became emotional, Biden immediately stepped in, switching seat to get closer and to console her.  

“Look, one of the things that gave Beau courage—my word—was John. Your dad, you may remember when you were a little kid, your dad, took care of my Beau. Your dad… became friends with Beau. And Beau talked about your dad’s courage—not about illness—but about his courage,” Biden told Megan.

Biden then spoke about some of the scientific breakthroughs that have occurred recently, in an attempt at telling Meghan that there is some hope for her father’s condition.

At the exact right moment, Biden swooped in with some much needed comedy, joking about how he and McCain had very different political views, but the two could still depend on each other to be there for one another. 

“The thing that I found—and Beau insisted on, your dad is going to insist on—is you’ve got to maintain hope. There’s hope. You have to have hope,” Biden said, encouraging Meghan.

“I swear, guys, we are gonna beat this damn disease,” Biden concluded as the audience applauded.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/12/13/joe-biden-meghan-mccain-cancer-the-view/

Your Period Is A Day Late. Are You Pregnant?

The female body. To have one can be terrifying. If your body is fertile, you could become filled with children at any time. If your body is infertile, you will never, ever be happy. But what happens when your body is at the strange middle ground in between?

Having your period be a day late may seem scary, but it doesn’t always mean you are pregnant. If you’d like to consult our automated medical program that specializes in feminine health, please continue!

Great! Thank you for trusting us with all of your current reproductive issues!

Our interactive feminine health program, ESTELLE, is currently being loaded…

Hello, my name is ESTELLE, and I am an automated medical program that specializes in feminine health. I was invented by a now (likely) dead gynecologist specifically to talk to women in times of extreme stress. It is very nice to meet you!

Thank you for using ESTELLE, our automated medical program that specializes in feminine health. You have chosen to exit ESTELLE. Would you be interested in answering a quick customer satisfaction survey before you leave?

Wonderful. All of your answers are totally confidential and will be used to improve your future ESTELLE experiences. So, why do you hate ESTELLE?

Thank you for telling us why you hate ESTELLE. You have now exited ESTELLE. ESTELLE is incredibly happy you visited, and we hope you come back with a pregnancy scare soon.

Goodbye!

Thank you for your feedback. You have now exited ESTELLE. If you are indeed the creator of ESTELLE, please turn yourself in to the police immediately. You are a danger to yourself and your family.

Goodbye.

You have now exited ESTELLE. While there is not enough information to determine whether or not you are pregnant, judging by your unwillingness to answer the customer satisfaction survey, ESTELLE sincerely hopes that you are brimming with children.

Goodbye.

I am a female resource specialist, which means that I am exactly like IBM’s Watson, except that the only information that has been loaded into me has been pulled from tampon boxes and medical pamphlets women have thrown out of their moving cars.

My only purpose is to talk to women and help them find out whether or not they are pregnant. Are you worried that you are pregnant because your period is a day late?

I understand! You have indicated that your period is a day late, but do not worry! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you. Please glance through my MENU and select the option that would help you most during this stressful time.

What would you like to do?

You have returned to the MAIN MENU! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you. Please select the option that you feel will help you most during this stressful time.

You have arrived at the MAIN MENU! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you if you are looking to resolve a pregnancy scare! Please select the option that you feel will help you most during this stressful time.

Excellent. You have elected to take this highly accurate virtual pregnancy test with me, ESTELLE. I have been loaded with the most accurate and readily available information about pregnancy by my (likely) dead creator. This is great news!

In order to take this test, I require you to answer a series of personal questions. Your answers to these questions will be stored on the server for a limited amount of time, but rest assured that they will not be used in any way other than to publicly shame you for your wild and inappropriate sexual promiscuity in the near future.

Do you wish to continue?

Thank you for accepting our mandatory terms and conditions. We already know that your period is a day late, so that information should be leaked as soon as you click to the next page!

To determine whether you are pregnant, I first need to ask you about your current level of sexual activity. So, are you sexually active?

Excellent. You have indicated that you are not sexually active! That is very good, and according to over 85 percent of ob-gyns, that is exactly what the Lord would want!

Unfortunately, though, many things that are not traditionally considered sex are still technically intercourse. Just to be totally sure, please let me know if you have done any of the following:

Great! Thank you for your honesty. Just because you’ve engaged in light sexual activity recently does not mean you are necessarily pregnant.

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Excellent. You have indicated that you are sexually active! ESTELLE will now determine whether or not your sexual activity is responsible for your period being a day late. In order to do this, ESTELLE must ask the following question: Are you currently sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! Unfortunately, that man has something called “supersperm,” which means he has sperm that are the size of tadpoles and are strong enough to swim upstream in a river. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Okay. You have indicated that you are not sexually active with the first man ESTELLE provided! ESTELLE understands! In that case, ESTELLE must ask the following question: if you are not sexually active with the previous man, are you instead sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! Unfortunately, that man holds the Guinness World Record for “most fertile,” and he has conceived a child with every woman he has ever touched. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Thank you for your feedback! You have indicated that you are not sexually active with either the first or the second man ESTELLE provided! ESTELLE understands! Instead, ESTELLE will ask you a different question entirely: Despite your previous answers, are you currently sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! This is ESTELLE’s estranged (and possibly dead) inventor. If you are indeed pregnant, it’s important we find out now.

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Interesting! It seems that you are not currently sexually active with any of the men who ESTELLE knows. But don’t worry; you do not have to lie to ESTELLE. ESTELLE understands that you are not sexually active, and she will not release this information to anyone who is not your employer or your closest friends and family!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Excellent choice. ESTELLE is pleased to hear that you are using contraceptives! Unfortunately, though, no matter what birth control method you use, nothing is 100 percent effective.

Are you experiencing any of the following symptoms?

Your symptoms have been recorded. Now that you have answered this series of very important questions, ESTELLE has only one more! Have you tried taking an at-home pregnancy test?

Wonderful. ESTELLE is pleased to hear this! In that case, which of the following messages did your at-home pregnancy test scream after you peed on it?

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ESTELLE has determined that you are pregnant!

Congratulations! Your period is late, and ESTELLE has deduced from your irresponsible behavior that you are currently with child. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Also, please note that an email has already been sent out to all of your contacts notifying them of this wonderful news!

Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ESTELLE has determined that you are NOT pregnant!

Congratulations! Your period may be late, but ESTELLE has deduced that you are barren, so your irresponsible behavior will have no real negative impact on your life. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Also, please note that an email has already been sent out to all of your contacts notifying them of this wonderful news!

Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ERROR: We’re sorry! ESTELLE was unable to determine whether or not you are pregnant!

If you have been redirected to this error page, it is because your female body is simply too unpredictable to analyze, and you will need to take an in-person pregnancy test. To do so, please send a 150 ml sample of your urine to the address below:

201 E Jefferson St.
Phoenix, AZ 85004

You will receive results within a week’s time. Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ERROR: ESTELLE was unable to determine whether or not you are pregnant because, according to your answers, the creator of ESTELLE is still alive. Please keep your wits about you and alert the authorities as soon as possible. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Thank you for using ESTELLE!

ESTELLE understands! That is great news! You have selected that you are not worried about pregnancy and that your period is not a day late. In that case, why are you worried today?

ERROR: ESTELLE does not currently have the resources to help you with this problem. ESTELLE is only programmed to deal with women who are panicking because their bodies are malfunctioning in a way that could indicate that they are pregnant. Women whose periods are on time are advised not to use this tool.

If you wish to consult ESTELLE about a potential pregnancy scare, please continue to the MAIN MENU.

ERROR: ESTELLE does not currently have the resources to help you with this problem. ESTELLE is only programmed to deal with women who are panicking because their bodies are malfunctioning in a way that could indicate that they are pregnant. Women who are looking to become pregnant are advised not to use this tool.

If you wish to consult ESTELLE about a potential pregnancy scare, please continue to the MAIN MENU.

ERROR: You have indicated that the creator of ESTELLE is alive and en route to your current location. Women in this situation are advised to close out of ESTELLE and call the police as soon as possible. While ESTELLE cannot provide the resources needed to finally capture her creator, law enforcement can. Goodbye!

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/your-period-day-late-are-you-pregnant-4382

The GOP Tax Plan Is Entering Its Make-or-Break Week

The $1.4 trillion item on President Donald Trump’s wish list — a package of tax cuts for businesses and individuals that he has said he wants to sign before year’s end — is headed into the legislative equivalent of a Black Friday scrum next week.

Senate Republican leaders plan a make-or-break floor vote on their bill as soon as Thursday — a dramatic moment that will come only after a marathon debate that could go all night. Democrats are expected to try to delay or derail the measure, and the GOP must hold together at least 50 votes from its thin, 52-vote majority in order to prevail.

Their chances improved this week when Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska said she’ll support repealing the “individual mandate” imposed by Obamacare — a provision that Senate tax writers are counting on to help finance the tax cuts. Murkowski had earlier signaled some reservations about the provision; and her support was widely viewed as a positive sign for the tax bill’s chances.

Trump is scheduled to address Senate Republicans at their weekly luncheon Tuesday afternoon on taxes and the legislative agenda for the rest of the year, according to a statement from Senator John Barrasso, chairman of the Senate Republican Policy Committee. 

The White House previously announced that the president would talk with Republican and Democratic congressional leaders at the White House the same day about an agreement on spending to keep the government open after funding expires on Dec. 8. David Popp, a spokesman for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Drew Hammill, a spokesman for House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi, both said that meeting is still on the schedule.

If the tax bill clears the Senate — a step that’s by no means guaranteed — lawmakers in both chambers would have to hammer out a compromise between their differing bills, a process that presents potential pitfalls of its own. For now, though, much of the Senate’s attention will focus on its legislation’s price tag.

Three GOP senators — Bob Corker of Tennessee, Jeff Flake of Arizona and James Lankford of Oklahoma — have cited concerns about how the measure would affect federal deficits. Independent studies of the legislation have found that — contrary to its backers’ arguments — its tax cuts won’t stimulate enough growth to pay for themselves. Both the Senate bill, and one that cleared the House earlier this month, would reduce federal revenue over a decade by roughly $1.4 trillion, according to the Joint Committee on Taxation.

On Wednesday, a report from the Penn Wharton Budget Model at the University of Pennsylvania said the bill would reduce federal revenue in each year from 2028 to 2033. That finding would mean it doesn’t comply with a key budget rule that Senate Republican leaders want to use to pass their bill with a simple majority over Democrats’ objections.

Budget Rule

In essence, that rule holds that any bill approved via that fast-track process can’t add to the deficit outside a 10-year budget window. The JCT has already found that the Senate bill would generate a surplus in its 10th year because it has set several tax breaks for businesses and individuals to expire.

But JCT hasn’t yet weighed in publicly on the revenue effects in subsequent years. Senate GOP leaders have expressed confidence that their proposal will satisfy the rule ultimately.

Another potential stumbling block stems from the fact that Congress is trying to act on complex tax legislation under a tight, self-imposed timeline in order to deliver on promises from Trump, House Speaker Paul Ryan and McConnell.

For example, Republican Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin has said he can’t support the current Senate bill because it would give corporations a tax advantage — a large rate cut to 20 percent from 35 percent — that other, closely held businesses wouldn’t get.

‘Change the Most’

His concern centers on the Senate’s plan for large partnerships, limited liability companies, sole proprietorships and other so-called “pass-through” businesses. Under current law, these businesses simply pass their earnings to their owners, who pay income taxes at their individual rates — currently, as high as 39.6 percent, depending on how much they earn.

Read more: A QuickTake guide to the tax-cut debate

The Senate bill would provide pass-through owners with a 17.4 percent deduction for income — but in combination with other provisions, that would result in an effective top tax rate for business income that’s more than 10 percentage points higher than the proposed corporate tax rate.

The House bill would use an entirely different approach, setting a top tax rate of 25 percent for pass-through business income, but then limiting how much of a business’s earnings could qualify for that rate.

Reconciling those differences — and addressing Johnson’s concern — may be a complicated process. “That’s part of the equation that could change the most over the next few weeks,” Isaac Boltansky, senior vice president and policy analyst at Compass Point Research and Trading LLC, told Bloomberg Tax. “No one is planning around it yet. There is uncertainty across the board.”

Meanwhile, the Obamacare issue looms in the background — threatening at least one GOP senator’s vote. Susan Collins of Maine said earlier this week that tax bill “needs work,” and “I think there will be changes.”

The 2010 Affordable Care Act — popularly known as Obamacare — contained a provision requiring individuals to buy health insurance or pay a federal penalty. Removing that penalty in 2019, as the Senate tax bill proposes to do, would generate an estimated $318 billion in savings by 2027, according to the Congressional Budget Office. The savings would stem from about 13 million Americans dropping their coverage, eliminating the need for federal subsidies to help them afford it.

Because many of the newly uninsured would be younger, healthier people, insurance premiums would rise 10 percent in most years, the nonpartisan fiscal scorekeeper found.

    Read more: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-24/trump-s-1-4-trillion-tax-cut-is-entering-its-make-or-break-week

    It’s time to nationalize the internet

    Last Tuesday, the Federal Communications Commission, led by deregulation zealot Ajit Pai, presented a plan to dismantle net neutrality in America. Not only must we fight to prevent that from happening, we must ensure it can never happen again.

    Net neutrality is the principle that all internet data delivered to customers must be treated equally. Net neutrality rules prevent internet service providers (ISPs) from allowing users to see more of some types of content and less of others. Some potential consequences of repealing net neutrality rules include unfair speed and access advantages for large companies and tiered internet packages that further commodify things like streaming video and social media.

    While telecom companies insist that government regulation hinders their business, opponents of ending net neutrality view these rules as a bulwark against an internet that would be built solely for the profit of large corporations at the expense of its users. Critics see a future of high-cost internet with add-ons, data caps, and fast lanes that complicate access and eliminate the open internet as we know it.

    In the healthcare battle, we have seen how rallying people behind a vision of the future can be more effective than simply fighting to maintain the status quo. While lawmakers have been slow to come around, the majority of Democratic voters now support single-payer healthcare. “Medicare for all” provides a vision for a better future. This makes it easier for healthcare activists to knock on doors and win converts. It gives people something to fight for rather than simply stand against.

    The same could be true for net neutrality. Instead of just standing against Pai’s proposals, let’s stand for nationalizing the internet.

    In the post-Reagan era in America, we have been conditioned to believe that the government isn’t equipped to handle large-scale projects. Conventional wisdom has been that private industry is better equipped to handle things than the government. Deregulation has been the agenda of baby boomer conservatives. And it has failed. It has failed the environment. It has failed the airline industry. It has failed education. It will fail the internet.

    What would a nationalized internet look like? When we talk about nationalizing the internet, the best model to imagine probably isn’t the post office, but electric and water companies. Like these public utilities, internet is piped into your house. Also like water and electric, you need the internet to fully function in the modern world.

    So, why shouldn’t the internet be a utility?

    The biggest argument against this view is that it would eliminate competition. Competition, free-market types believe, is the key to innovation. Under this system, the job of an ISP is to deliver as fast a connection as possible for as low a price as possible. The problem is, competition among internet providers is a joke.

    Currently, many consumers have only one or two options for high-speed broadband providers in their area, if any. Fifty-million households have one choice or fewer. Nearly 40 percent of America’s rural households lack high-speed internet, according to the FCC. As many customers know, those that do have high-speed access are subject to fluctuating bills and varying levels of service.

    What exactly is being innovated here? Innovations like smart TVs, mobile hotspots, and smartphones have been transformative for many people’s lives. But these technologies have nothing to do with the delivery of broadband internet.

    Writing in Pacific Standard, Rick Paulas described the current ISP situation like this: “nly a few massive companies have been able to compete with one another, and a majority of those competitions have ended in a kind of stalemate where they just end up carving up the marketplace block by block, or building by building, and forcing the residents to either choose their service or choose nothing.”

    So, there isn’t much innovation going on. But what proof do we have that the free market drives innovation for ISPs? Jeff Dunn of Business Insider tried to argue for a free market solution but ended up admitting that, as currently constituted, the barrier to entry is so high for an ISP startup that robust competition is impossible. In the Washington Post, Larry Downes claimed that public utilities don’t innovate but declined to name one crucial advancement made by Comcast or its ilk in recent years. A recent New York Times op-ed also failed to articulate what innovations have made the nightmare of Time Warner customer service worth our while.

    If there are no particular innovations these conservative commenters can point to, who is to say that an internet paid for and overseen by the government wouldn’t be as good if not better? Couldn’t we just vote out politicians who fail to keep our municipal ISPs on pace to handle our computers and smartphone needs? Perhaps the will of the people will be a more effective means for progress in this sector than corporate innovations.

    Again, tens of millions of people in America don’t have high-speed internet. Those people are disproportionately poor and disproportionately rural. Are we to really believe that a child who goes without high-speed internet in their childhood can expect to compete in the global marketplace? Can a child in Appalachia, on a Native American reservation, or living in poverty in the inner city really be expected to achieve their potential if they don’t have quality internet access? What percentage of the jobs have you done have depended upon a working knowledge of the internet? What dream job doesn’t require a strong internet presence?

    Wouldn’t universal access to high-speed internet actually increase the intellectual and productive possibilities of our country? Maybe the key to innovation is giving everyone in America an opportunity to innovate.

    In fact, some Democrats are moving in this direction. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) on Wednesday announced a $40 billion plan to bring high-speed internet to America’s underserved communities.

    “Every rural home is entitled to broadband at the same speed and levels as every urban home,” Schumer said during a town hall meeting in New York’s Livingston County. “In fact, it’s not just rural homes but a lot of suburban homes that are left behind.”

    Sign the petitions. Give Ajit Pai a piece of your mind. But, at the same time, let’s look beyond the Trump administration. Let’s look to a vision of the future that we want. Let’s build the groundwork for an America where every child has access to high-speed internet regardless of class, regardless of community.

    Let’s nationalize the internet.

    Read more: https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/nationalize-internet-net-neutrality/

    The Most Absurd Items From Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP Gift Guide

    [Extremely UFC guy voice] Ladies and gentlemen, iiiiiittt’sss TIMEEE… to break out your $800 platinum-plated vibrators, because the annual GOOP holiday gift guide is here, i.e. the only time upper-crust ladies feel anything approaching erotic stimulation outside of flirting with the valet at Equinox. Once again, Gwyneth Paltrow and her merry band of tastemakers are here to to help you, the hapless woman with too much money to spend, decide what to buy for your equally well-heeled friends, relatives, and frenemies.

    This year, the ever-innovative Gwenny throws us for a loop by separating the gifts into like 75 different categories like Hostess, Lover, Health Nut, and Traveler. Leave it to Gwyneth to realize that, in the world of rich people, there’s nothing more gauche than assuming your friends could possibly have interests outside of the boxes you’ve mentally placed them in. Anyway, this is a lot of shit, but I’ll do my best to cover the bases.

    Hostess Gifts

    WHITE INSIEME CHEESE KNIVES, SET OF 3, $425

    Goop Says: A set of three cheese knives, handmade in the Tuscan countryside, presented in a gorgeous wooden gift box.

    I say: “Thank you for inviting me to your holiday party, Sharon. Here is a set of single-purpose knives that cost more than your television.” Those Tuscans sure know their way around a cheese knife, I always say. The thing is, though, if these get me into a devil’s 3-way with cheese, salami and water crackers faster than a regular knife, then I say no price is too high.

    LARGE STANDING BOWL, $110

    Goop Says: Use it as an unexpected display for fruits and veggies.

    I say: Well, no shit it’s unexpected—it’s a fucking $110 mini pig trough that really only holds fruit. If you click through, you see it only holds, like, 4 pieces of fruit. THAT’S NOT LARGE, Gwenny.

    Under-18 Gifts

    J.D. SALINGER BOOK SET – CATCHER IN THE RYE DESIGN, $175

    Goop Says: Anyone from a longtime fan to a new and curious reader will love these books.

    I say: If I see anyone let a child or teenager anywhere near Salinger’s creepy “childhood innocence is a virtue worth preserving” bullshit, I’m calling Child Protective Services.

    Dreamer Gifts

    [I’m not bothering with any of this shit, because it’s all stuff for the absolute worst people in your life. It’s also most of the cheapest stuff, and that’s no fun.]

    Personalized Gifts

    PETITE SIGNET RING DIAMOND LETTER, $698

    Goop Says: A goop staff favorite.

    I say: I’m sorry, but who am I supposed to be buying this for? The “lovers” section is next, so it’s not for anyone I’m doing the nasty with. If not them, who? “Here mom, I spent a month’s rent to remind you of your own last name.”

    SELF-INKING STAMP: COPPER + BLACK, $185

    Goop Says: This personalized stamp balances timeless-classic design with a brilliant, high-tech self-inking functionality.

    I Say: It’s not even personalized! According to the product description, “it comes with a gift code and instructions for setting custom rubber imprints and the option to order extras.” Also, in what world is a self-inking stamp “high-tech?” How poorly paid are the GOOP writers?

    Lovers Gifts

    LACE KIMONO, $595

    Goop Says: Taking inspiration from a traditional kimono, but made extra sexy.

    I Say: This is less sexy than a traditional kimono, somehow? Look, I guess absurdly expensive lingerie does it for some guys, but this isn’t even that. And if your dude has some kind of weird, otaku fetish thing going on, I don’t think this is going to fulfill it. Nothing short of stuffing him into a box and mailing him to Japan will, which is the appropriate course of action.

    ROSE QUARTZ EGG, $55

    Goop Says: Used by women to increase sexual energy—this yoni egg is made of heart-activating rose quartz, associated with positive energy and love.

    I Say: Can we all agree that “yoni” is the least appealing vaginal euphemism? Anyway, if stuffing rocks in your vagina is what it takes to “activate your heart” with “positive energy and love,” you a) need either a new man or a therapist, and b) probably spend too much time on this website.

    Health Nut Gifts

    AMETHYST BOTTLE, $84

    Goop Says: This gorgeous water bottle is made with amethyst crystal to infuse water with positive energy.

    I Say: Everything GOOP sells for “health” will at best do nothing and at worst make you less healthy, but this is particularly egregious. You can’t “infuse” water with crystals, and there are multiple varieties (including the vagtastic rose quartz)—and yet, they all claim to infuse the water with “positive energy.” WHICH IS IT, GWYNETH??

    MEDITATION BAND, $350

    Goop Says: When your mind starts to wander, soothing nature sounds gently guide you back to a meditative state.

    I Say: They’re ultra-expensive headphones that only play one thing. If there’s one rule to live by, it’s that the dumber your chosen path to “wellness,” the more expensive the snake oil they’ll try to sell you. I mean, look at the price of joining a CrossFit gym.

    Stocking Stuffers

    CLIPPER BRASS MONEY CLIP, $80

    Goop Says: Inspired by nineteenth-century paperclips, it’s geometrically sleek and functional, too.

    I Say: It’s not “inspired by” paper clips, it is a fucking paper clip. Personally, I don’t trust the kind of guy who insists upon using a money clip. He has a fedora hiding somewhere, and he’s gonna drop that fucker on you at the worst possible time.

    AERO PIPE, $85

    Goop Says: Handmade in small batches right here in the USA.

    I Say: LOL at Gwyneth selling drug paraphernalia. She’s absolutely the girl in middle school you could fool into thinking was high when all you gave her was some dry parsley to smoke. However, I must tip my hat to the enterprising stoner who figured out they could make A LOT more money selling $85 bowls to freshmen at Sarah Lawrence.

    Cooking Gifts

    ONDINE PLATINE CASSEROLE, $1,220

    Goop Says: This toxin-free casserole dish is crafted in a titanium grade stainless steel that’s made to last a lifetime.

    I Say: Jesus fucking Christ. I thought I knew fancy cookware, but this is next level shit. OF COURSE it’s one of Gwyneth’s “favorite cooking tools.” What the fuck does “toxin-free” mean in the context of a baking pan, anyway? I’m pretty sure steel is toxic as hell if you consume it, Gwyneth. You know what else lasts a lifetime? A $30 cast iron pan from the hardware store.

    Pet Lover Gifts

    [Literally every pet gift over $20 should be illegal. I have some, like, terrible news for you, but your pet is going to die WAYYYY before you, and new pets don’t like hand-me-downs. They can smell your regret.]

    Guy Gifts

    THIS IS CAMINO, $35

    Goop Says: This fire-based cookbook is packed with recipes that can be easily recreated at home.

    I Say: Ah yes, a fire-based cookbook, because as a man I’m both too stupid to come up with recipes and my balls will literally wither and die if I cook over anything daintier than the effigy at Burning Man. Ladies, I hope you get turned on by the sounds of your boyfriend crying over $100, hopelessly burnt prime rib roasts.

    DARTBOARD & SET OF 6 DARTS, $500

    Goop Says: Bullseye.

    I Say: Not included in this set? The fucking paintball gun he’ll need to keep anyone from so much as thinking about throwing an actual dart at his 500 goddamn dollar “dart board.”

    Ridiculous, But Awesome Gifts

    PRIVATE ISLAND IN BELIZE, $6,000,000

    Goop Says: The gift of complete and total solitude.

    I Say: No, you know what? Fuck this. Do not designate this shit as “ridiculous,” Gwyneth. The whole point of this gift guide is how not self-aware she is, so she doesn’t get to do this. I mean, there’s zero self-awareness to be found in $425 cheese knives as a hostess gift, but still. SELL ME on this private island, Gwyneth. I might have some change hidden in my couch cushions.

    Until next year, folks, when she’ll make her gift guide somehow more onerous and difficult to navigate. I bet rich people have a secret app for it.

    Read more: http://www.betches.com/goop-2017-holiday-gift-guide

    Kendra Wilkinson Gets Dragged For Picking Cotton On Social Media

    Tone deaf, much??

    On Wednesday, while Kendra Wilkinson and husband Hank Baskett were on a road trip through Texas, she spots a field and gets an urge to pick cotton from a plant.

    During her “adventure,” the Kendra on Top star — who is weirdly giddy about her scheme — also jokes about getting shot while trespassing.

    Related: Kendra Wilkinson Gives A Health Update

    When word of the video spread, social media users DRAGGED the reality TV personality for making light of something that has deep connections to slavery.

    After facing heat, the Playboy covergirl’s rep told TMZ she didn’t mean to offend anyone, and is sorry if people took it the wrong way. The rep also points out that her husband Hank is black.

    The 32-year-old also posted on Twitter:

    Yikes!

    [Image via Kendra Wilkinson/Instagram Story.]

    Read more: http://perezhilton.com/2017-11-22-kendra-wilkinson-hank-baskett-pick-cotton

    10 Tips to Cat Proof Your Christmas Tree

    With sparkling lights, glittery dangling ornaments and shiny strips of tinsel, Christmas trees are irresistible to most cats. Here are our tips to cat proof your Christmas tree and keep your cat safe this festive season. Via: Pawsome Cats

    • 1

      Choose a Safe Location

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      Via Su walls

      The ideal position for your Christmas tree is a room where you can shut the door at night. If this isn’t possible in your home, try to place the tree in a location with plenty of clear space around it, and away from any furniture (tables, bookcases etc.) that your cat could use to jump on your tree.


    • 2

      Create a Strong and Stable Base

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      Via mnn

      Kittens will climb to the top of a Christmas tree in mere seconds, and even if your cat isn’t a tree climber there’s a good chance he will use the trunk as a scratching post, rub against it, or bump it when pawing at the ornaments. Make sure that your tree has a firm, solid base that isn’t going to topple. For extra stability, you may like to secure it to a wall or the ceiling with strong fishing line.


    • 3

      Cover the Base of the Tree

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      If you have a real tree, it’s important that you cover the base so that your cat can’t drink the water. Sap from the tree and residual fertilizers, can make the water potentially toxic. You can also keep cats away from the base of the tree by using citrus sprays, other cat deterrent sprays or wrapping crinkled aluminum foil around the base – cats hate the sound.


    • 4

      Opt for Simple Decorations

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      Sparkly store-bought ornaments with lots of glitter and movement are much more tempting for your cat than handmade felt and paper decorations. Tinsel, artificial snow and ribbons are potentially dangerous to your cat if they chew or swallow them and can cause intestinal blockages.


    • 5

      Say NO to Edible Decorations

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      Chocolate is highly toxic for cats, and other sugary sweets aren’t healthy either. Think twice before you add candy canes and chocolate treats to your tree.


    • 6

      Hang Decorations High

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      Place the majority of decorations on the top two-thirds of your Christmas tree. Delicate, breakable, dangerous or particularly enticing ornaments should be placed up high and the safer felt or paper decorations hung on the lower branches. Anything dangling from the lower branches and at your cat’s eye level is going to be their first target.


    • 7

      Attach Ornaments Safely

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      Avoid using string, ribbon or rubber bands to attach your ornaments to the tree, all of these are potentially hazardous to your cat if swallowed. Instead secure your ornaments with twist ties, the green ones will also blend in nicely with the green branches.


    • 8

      Beware With Christmas Lights & Electrical Wires

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      No Christmas tree is complete without sparkling lights, but make sure that cords and wires are kept out of reach to prevent your cat chewing them. To prevent the risk of fatal electric shock, tape cords and wires together, or place them in plastic conduits away from your cat’s teeth. You can also coat the wires with ‘bitter apple’ or ‘citrus’, scents which most cats detest. Always turn off the Christmas lights when the tree is unattended.


    • 9

      Vacuum Underneath the Tree Frequently

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      Via Petrliu47

      Whether you have a real or artificial tree both can be potentially dangerous to your cat. Depending on the tree species, evergreen pine needles can be toxic if chewed, and because they are so sharp they can pierce or puncture the skin of a curious cat. Artificial trees can also be harmful due to their synthetic materials. Regularly vacuuming or sweeping underneath your tree can minimise the chance of your cat digesting anything he shouldn’t.


    • 10

      Place Presents Under the Tree at the Last Minute

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      Via Taildom

      Cats view presents with beautifully tied bows and ribbons as an invitation to open them early. Avoid teeth and claw marks on your gifts by waiting till Christmas Eve to put your presents on display.